28 days.

I've had this blog written forever but have been hesitant to post just because I wanted to say all the right things and felt guilty for feeling anxious as we draw near to launch. * That being said, thank you to my sweet squad for being so transparent in your recent blogs- it's brought me peace that I'm not the only one.

I've been so wrapped up in worry as I approach this mission trip, that I lost sight of my last post -- full submission. I wanted to prepare my heart for this beautiful pursuit of making disciples and sharing the goodness of the Lord; however, I honestly feel like my own selfishness left me uncertain and fearful. The thought of leaving the people I love and knowing I only have them for a little while longer has been tough. My emotions recently have been all over the place- sometimes days I'm super excited, other days I'm nervous, a couple of days I've cried. I keep reminding myself that discomfort is a catalyst for growth, and in that, there is so much room for development; in deepening relationships on the squad and most importantly with our Savior. I know he wants us to pursue him, trust in him, and grow deeper in him, and that's where surrender and dependency come in.

The other night I prayed for comfort and understanding to replace my worry in this season that's approaching so quickly, that I may rest in him at all times - regardless of what the enemy tries to convince me to think. I know I'm stating the obvious but all I can say is that the Lord is so good, he is faithful to all His promises. That night I was filled with such inner peace and strength. I remember my identity is in the Lord and not in the people back home. For a little while, its like I couldn't stop focusing on what I was losing- but then focused on my why and was covered in joy and thankfulness not only for the opportunity to serve but to be in the presence of one another.

I know my life is going to look different for the next 9 months- but a good difference. The Lord has me pumped to know him, serve him, and ignites a fire in me to share His word with the world. I think my attitude has changed just from shifting my posture to being open to the unknown in willingness for our God to teach me and surprise me each and every day. Trekking through the confusion is tough but Deuteronomy 31:8 reminds us "Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” This passage just reassures me that he's started the good work in me and is near and glorious!

all my love, Lexi